- 1.The stolen smartphone (part 1)
- 2.The stolen smartphone (part 2)
The police officer arrives on his desk, grabs a thick register and start searching his pen. He finds a young man sitting in a chair next to him.
Policeman: Yes. What’s your problem?
Amar: Well, officer, my name is Amar and she is my wife, Priya.
Policeman: Your wife?
Amar: Yes, my wife. She is sitting right behind me. (He points out to the officer where she is sitting.)
But the Police officer is busy searching for his pen all over his table and he asks Amar quickly, with a grin on his face, “Okay, if you two want a divorce, then this is not the place”
Amar: What? No! No! For Christ’s sake! We two love each other! I am here for something else. Actually, we were… (The officer is still searching his pen and gets furious because he has searched everywhere on his desk and is not able to find it. He interrupts Amar.)
Policeman: Hey, mister, come to the point directly. I don’t have time. Jesus, this pen! Where is it?
Amar: Apparently, yes, I was coming to the point. Actually my wife and I were spending our anniversary evening at Juhu Beach and… (The officer now goes under his desk in search of his pen and this petrifies Amar, so, he murmurs) Yea, why don’t you excavate the Earth and see if your pen is buried there.
Policeman: Ah! Here it is. (He finds his pen) So, what were you saying?
Amar: Oh! Great. Actually, my wife and I were excavating earth and…
Amar: What? Oh! No! Sorry. I’m so sorry, Officer. I wasn’t going to say this and I don’t know how it came out. Let me retort. (He adjusts his sitting position and clears his throat) Actually, Priya and I… (Police officer interrupts)
Policeman: Wait. Who’s Priya?
Amar: My wife
Policeman: So has she been kidnapped?
Amar: What? Hell no! Jesus Christ! She is sitting right behind me (points out again) Why don’t you listen to the whole story?
Policeman: So what’s the matter mister?
Amar: Actually my wife, Priya, and I were spending our anniversary evening at Juhu Beach in Mumbai.
Policeman: There is only one Juhu beach in the entire world and it is in Mumbai. Come to the point mister. Come to the problem directly. I don’t have time.
Amar: Yeah! There is only one Juhu beach in Mumbai, where my wife and I were hanging out. (Suddenly Amar raises his tone) I gave a stranger my phone to click our picture, and as I turned back he ran away with my phone!
The policeman bursts into laughter. He laughs so loud that he captures the attention of nearby officers, peons and constables.
Policeman (speaking to all): A-re maazyaadevaa, he majedaraahe (it means O my God, this is funny in Marathi).
Amar is raging with anger upon his behavior. Seeing him, the policeman stops laughing and gets serious.
Policeman: Okay, sorry. I think we have a case here. I’ll make sure that we find that thug as soon as possible, trust us. After all, we are public servants. But, for that you have to cooperate with us and have patience. First, describe the appearance of that thief. How old was he? Between 20 to 30 or even older? Does he have a mustache or beard? What colored clothes was he wearing? O… yea (he suddenly gets a good idea out of nowhere). And if by any chance did you manage to click his picture on your mobile phone?
Amar forcefully spanks his palms on the table and stands up from his chair and says, “All right, I’m out of here! Come on, Priya!”
The policeman, surprised by Amar’s action says to a fellow constable, “And they say we are not doing our duty. Mean public!” His shoulders drop down, he exhales loudly in contempt and reaches for the left pocket of his shirt and says, “Oh no! Hey… has anyone seen my pen?”
Amar comes out from the police station, grunting, moving fast with hands going back and forth and palms closed as if he’s going to kill someone. He is feeling helpless deep inside but is prepared for the fight and what lies ahead. His wife, who is as fat as a fully grown hippopotamus and has arms like a bean bag, is having trouble catching up with Amar.
Priya: Will you at least walk slowly! I can’t walk as fast as you can.
Amar: (He stops and replies to her in a sarcastic way) Well, honey, why don’t you drop some weight and see if you catch up.
Priya (says with profound innocence): But there is nothing in my purse, honey.
Amar (with eyes wide open): But, who’s talking about the purse, honey?
Priya: Then? (She thinks for a while) Oh, yea (she nodes). You’re right I’ve never thought about this. After our marriage I’m so accustomed to these things. I mean, you see, every married women has, and it’s not only me. I should’ve known. Thanks honey.
Priya removes her necklaces and other jewellery and puts them safely in her purse.
Amar: And now do you feel a little lighter?
Priya: Oh yes, now I feel like I can run.
Amar looks up towards the sky
Amar: Are you seeing this God. If so than I just want to thank you for giving me a good life and a beautiful and intelligent wife. See you in heaven. Good bye.
Priya: Aww… I’m glad you still think I’m beautiful, even after 6 years of marriage. (Amar smiles and they both hug each other.)
Priya: Hey, I have an idea. Let’s take my brother’s help. He is a detective.
Amar: Oh yes! He’s a detective. Wait a second…
Amar: Did he get his brain back?
Priya pats him on his arms and smiles. They both share a happy moment and for a few minutes Amar forgets about the stress and panic, he and his wife went through. They come to know that Priya’s younger brother, Happy now has his own office. So they decide to go to his office. Happy’s office is located in a building which is two storeyed. His office is not on the ground floor, not on the first floor and also not on the second floor but on the terrace!
Happy: Well, sis, you know a detective’s office should be at some place where no one can find it. Otherwise it defeats the purpose totally. It should be secret, mysterious, and confidential.
Amar: (He is flabbergasted and asks in a sarcastic manner) Yeah! And the terrace is the place?
Happy: That’s right.
Priya: Aww… look at my younger brother all grown up. I’m proud of you.
Amar gets a little irritated about this situation and he thinks that it was a stupid idea to come down and ask for Happy’s help. According to him even if thousands of brainless human beings are born, Happy will still be the stupidest person ever to live on the Earth. He breaks the Priya-Happy conversation.
Amar: (Over pronouncing every word) Oh my god, look at you two. Look at the love between you guys. I wish I can take a picture of both of you in my mobile phone and upload on Facebook. But, guess what. (Says out loud) It is stolen!
Priya: Oh yea, Happy, did you remember that outdated phone Amar bought?
Happy: Are you talking about that cheap and garbage tool he carries in his pocket and listens to songs from it everywhere?
Amar puts his hands on his waist and gives an ambush look to Happy.
Priya: No! That’s his iPad.
Amar: That’s an iPad! It’s an apple product. It was the first of its kind when it was first released!
Priya: No. The one which he always takes along with him whenever he goes to the bathroom.
Happy: Oh! Yes. That old chunk. What about it?
Amar: It was stolen. Or should I say, somebody just ran away with it.
Happy: How come?
Amar: We gave it to someone to take our picture and he ran away with it.
Happy: You mean after taking the picture or before taking the picture?
Amar looks at him, he doesn’t speak anything, just looks at him.
Priya: Dear, as soon as Amar turned back he ran away with it.
Happy: Hey, let’s call him.
Amar: And say hi, where are you? Can you please give our mobile phone back?
Happy: Yes, that is exactly what we gonna do.
Happy picks up his mobile phone from his desk and dials Amar’s mobile number. They hear the ring, but no one answers. Happy dials again and again and every time the operator replies, “The number is busy…”
Amar: Hey! What is your plan?
Happy: I want to bore this lady out, how long will she talk? She has to give the phone to her boss at some point of time!
Amar snatches his mobile phone. After some time Happy’s mobile ring and Amar looks at the screen.
Amar: Hang on! This is my number. I think that crook is calling. What should I do?
Happy: Pick up and let’s talk!
Amar picks up the phone.
To be continued in the next edition of Neev magazine…
- sarcastic: a witty way used to convey insults or scorn, especially saying one thing but implying the opposite.